The Daily Meteor

 Just Answer The Phone

The paper – photo by Kendra for

“Hello, Daily Meteor, how may I help you?”

“You forgot my paper today and I’m sick of it.”


“Yes, my paper.  I’m paying good money and I didn’t get it.”

“I didn’t even know we had a paper any more.  You must have the wrong department, this is the newsroom. You need subscription sales.”

“Subscription sales?  They gave me a number in Northern California.  I live in Los Angeles.”

“Did you call the number?”


“Well, what did they tell you?”

“They said I owe them $12.”

“Well, I can take a check by phone when you’re ready.”

“I’m not falling for that, young lady.”

“You know, why don’t you try subscribing to the paper online, like reading the paper on the computer? That way,  you don’t get all that ink all over your hands, you won’t have to worry about the paper getting wet in the rain, and you won’t have to call us all the time — um, not that we don’t enjoy …”

“Wait a minute.  What are you talking about, ‘ink all over my hands?’  I’m going through everything, here. I have the milk … I have the tomatoes, but there’s no paper.”

“Milk and tomatoes?”

“Is this AlwaysOnline Electronic Grocery Delivery?”

“No, this is the Daily Meteor, the newspaper.”

“Oh, the News paper.  Nobody gets that anymore.  I was calling because the online delivery people forgot my toilet paper.”